something stole the thunder off the biannual problem

What itch!
Ask for excitement and they send you a war.
Well war like were the last month and half…battling hospitals, fears, forms, presentations, work, weather, fever, travels, delays, doubts, worries, reports, heartbreaks, and dousing, others fears, franctic relatives, inconsolable friends, impatient clients, landlord, self doubts whew!
The lull after the storm although welcome, takes the wind out of the sail.

Biannual problem solution part 2

The itch had become chronic since the last time I wrote and required some desperate measures.

The initial spasms and attacks subsided when I decided to go on a trek by myself to har ki dun in Uttranchal. Having calmed down to it I saw anything and anyone as an enemy…work, fitness, clothes…. and I wasted no time and immediately checked out routes, maps, agents, guides...

Nothing in October…. 'oh yes things can be arranged’ …..that is if you are willing to pay Rs.37000 for a lone trek by myself…along with 5 porters, 6 mules and a guide.

Net result: nothing.

There was a bigger conspiracy here.

Right around this time my brother was planning to take off as well. Which meant my mom will be left alone. Which now meant more options given the trek to har ki dun wasn’t working out. Having been mesmerised by Spiti valley all my life, I decided nows the time. Its not a trek but a road trip, can be done in a week and will have company. And i will experience free range....endless mountains, vast cold lands, monastries and lamas, sheep and pastures...hmmmmm

So that’s the plan…have taken off the week before diwali and am planning as we speak.

A biannual problem

I am beginning to itch…it’s not a stranger to me. I know the beginnings. It starts with contentment, the very contentment causes discontentment.

It slowly creeps up my leg and messes with my head. I wait and watch…and wait and watch. But nothing out of the ordinary happens. No new challenge, obsession or curiosity comes around. No new troubles.

A sense of irritation starts to develop…things dull out, lose colour. Friends seem alien and unavailable. It’s me and the dry road…and I am not even travelling on it.

Nothing inspires me. I am unable to jump into the lives of the characters in the movies I watch. I invite delays, road jams, wrong meters, losing money and getting late... I’m no longer on top of things.

I am putting on weight…clothes don’t fit and in the last three weeks I am dressing to hide. Skirts, loose tops and jeans. I have morbid thoughts of turning into a sumo wrestler in my 40ies…unable to get into my brother’s car.

I do good work…in the last 2 weeks not because I want to but at times because I have to. I have become easy… at times cheat on myself. I think I am getting soft…and that scares me.
I am delaying my pleasure to avoid all fears. And the delay has become status quo in many things…I am getting comfortable in the delay.

I know I have to get out…but I am waiting for the water to go over.

I know what it is. I know what I have to do. But like sweet pain I keep poking it and feeling it but not healing it.

I have to go to the hills. Soon.

missing parts

The people who fascinate you are those who you want to be.
They represent a part of you that is unexpressed…creative producer, writer, mountain traveler, free child, wildlife researcher, photographer, rockstar, army officer, sportsman, radio jockey, actor, doctor, chef etc. They dust the windows in your mind and show you the possibilities embodied through them .
But what happens once you have what they have?
Where do they go?

An ode to simplicity…

Some people love jargons,
it makes them sound so smart,
lending an air of importance to their ideas otherwise bland…

For none can fight with ‘strategize impactful paradigms’
or argue against ‘leveraging vertical vortals’
in a a ‘Kafaesque’ atmosphere
in a neo magical realism portal

It might ‘monetize global methodologies’
or ‘enhance best-of-breed eyeballs’
and ‘reintermediate interactive content’
to ‘repurpose synergistic community walls’

But can it help you make a cup of tea?
or describe a fresh dew drop
or how to get to Timbuktu
or even to the corner shop?

Can it inspire some passion,
or calm a troubled mind

So can we please have some good old English
the common sense kind?

my quote

the biggest mistake a woman makes is to think that she is the only one... the biggest mistake a man makes is not knowing he is

Cambodia chronicles: Angkor Wat… who, when, where, why, how

22nd March 2009

Hidden in roots and lost in time
Haunting flutes and cowbell chimes
Blackstone sandstone crumbling structures
Come together with reason and rhyme
These are my thought as I think back of those temples; dating back to the 10th Century or more but still standing tall and stoic.

Angkor represents the Khmer empire's immense power and wealth as early as the 8th century. King Jayavarman II was the founder with his sons and nephews taking the glory forward. Staring off as a Hindu kingdom that primarily worshipped Shiva and Vishnu, over time the Buddhism influence grew much stronger. Therefore most temples have Shiv lingas along with images of Buddha.

We had to get a pass to visit the temples $20 for the day and $40 for 3 days. The temples are all far from each other and you will need at least 2 hours to just walk through each of them.

After an omelette breakfast we tuk tuk-ed for almost 2 hrs to Kbal Spean to see the 1000 lingas. It is up the Kulen Mountains and much glory was promised for the one who dared. It was a hot trek up meeting many on the way up and then down. Some kids offered me some boiled snails they were eating which I kind of refused. As always the journey was more fun than the destination as the lingas and the reclining Vishnu was not much to write home about. But we happily took pictures and came down…

On reaching back I went for a quick visit to the wildlife rehabilitation centre. I met Pok han Pokh a very enthusiastic and inspiring guy who showed me around the animals and birds…there were Brahminy kites, Serpent eagles, gibbons etc. He was really impressed with my knowledge of those birds…so I came off feeling all nice and special having made a good friend.

The next stop was Bantey Srei, a sandstone temple with the most intricate carvings ever. It means temple of the lady...yes in some cultures Sri means lady… It’s unbelievable how every stone, pillar, floor, window, door has the most beautiful carvings…and it’s withstood all the test of time.

By then it was late afternoon and we still had to catch the sunset at Angkor Wat. This is the largest of the temple complexes and was more like the royal residence with palatial ponds, monasteries, prayer halls, dancing halls, chambers etc in large architectural grandeur.

I liked the path leading up the back of the temple more than the temple complex itself. The evening sun was behind the temple and cast a halo effect and it looked and felt so lost in time. You can see the grandness of the temple a km away and as you walk closer it just looms larger. We were lucky there weren’t many people ahead of us.

As I wandered I wondered about all those people who would have walked the very same path…peasants, priests, monks, temple dancers and royalty. I might have been a monk or a dancer. Even as I write I feel trapped in that moment on that empty muddy road. 

We finally returned to our hotel legless and tired and decided to have our dinner there. One of the local specialities is ‘Amok’ which is a semi dry curry with local herbs like lemon grass, ginger, coconut, tamarind and others. You can have Amok fish, pork or chicken. I had decided to eat fish on this trip so that was it.

Night life there is good with nice restaurants and good food, and the famous beer here is Angkor. I always thought South East Asia was very crowded and claustrophobic… I was so wrong. It’s quite and yet people are there, very simple yet magical. Makes you want to stay back more to at least learn the language.